The past couple of weeks have been difficult.  I went through a break-up that wasn't totally unexpected yet hurt nonetheless.  To make matters worse, despite agreeing to be friends after the breakup, he has cut me off completely.  This includes blocking me on Facebook, not responding to my text messages or phone calls, and just fucking disappearing.  I'm going to assume that he isn't dead because I know I'd hear about it, so I choose to believe that he is so depressed over losing such an amazing girlfriend that he can't bear to read my text messages and seeing my Facebook profile makes him break down into a sobbing hot mess. Meanwhile, over in reality, he's probably with another bitch already and doesn't want me to know about it. Does that idea bother me? Strangely, no. It doesn't. I cried for a week and now I'm to the point of not really giving a shit.

Not long after the break-up, a new kitten that had been hanging around outside was hit by a car in front of my house, and I just happened to be outside to experience it. It was the blood frosting on top of the shit cake that my life felt like at that point. My reaction to the cat dying was approximately 100 times more intense than when my boyfriend broke up with me. #priorities

My mind-fucking anxiety started up again at that point. I would wake up with an overwhelming fear that I'd see another cat get hit or I'd discovered one in the road when I walked outside.  Late afternoon (which has always been a difficult time for me, for reasons I don't know) were hellish.  I would shake and almost hyperventilate.  I was more messed up than I had been in a while. The doctor gave me Klonapin (seriously a life saver) for the anxiety and Abilify to help with the symptoms of bipolar disorder. I'm looking forward to being functional again soon!

Actually, I'm ok. I assumed that I'd spend weeks feeling miserable about being dumped and losing a potential pet (and seeing an animal dying a senseless death) but that doesn't seem to be the case. My heart aches for the loss of life and I'll miss Adam, but life goes on.

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